# My insecurity in Vancouver Yesterday we went to Kitsilano Beach and it was fun. Many people came and I met so many new friends. I had pizza with bros. We played spikeball and frisbee on the beach. Many people introduce themselves to me and there were so many names that I couldn’t even remember. I start feeling kind of insecure since I came to Vancouver 🇨🇦. When I back home, it was 11:30, I took a shower and told Natalie about my feeling. I think she has experienced this before but not sure if she can relate to me. I am having insomnia when I am writing this. When I was in bed, I keep thinking about this insecurity and I guess I am not very good at handling this kind of insecurity. It usually happens when I feel something uncertain and out of my control. It also usually indicate me stepping out of my comfort zone. (And that’s why I am glad I am having Natalie with me). ## Reasons of this insecurity and uncomfortableness There are a few reasons that make me feel insecured. They mainly goes into relationship problem, housing problem and job problem. The job problem is easy to understand. A job is the only thing that can make me stay and get a PR. The sooner I start working, the sooner I get the PR. And for full time, it is 12 months strict for me to get the PR I guess. (I don’t worry about money though because I found 200K is more than enough). The housing problem is easy to understand too. Currently I am leaving with Ryan and Fion family. It is in Steveston and it is far from metro. It takes me 30 miuntes to go to Natalie place and 1 hour to go to downtown. Besides the location, I cannot buy things if I am staying in someone else’s house. I don’t have my own cabinet so it doesn’t make sense to buy too many things. And moving them will be a big trouble since I don’t have a car. Natalie will have a car but it doesn’t make sense when I move so often and need her to move my things a couple times. But without buying things and being stable, I cannot start having any kind of habits, for example, it is difficult to learn cooking or any kind of sports. It still feels like short term traveling. Natalie probably haven’t experienced this before she has planned everything before she came. The third reason is the relationship problem. There are so many people I don’t know. In Hong Kong, it is okay if I don’t know all the people because I have my family, friends and my BT. It kind of create a comfort zone that I can stay in, and maintain a large social circle is not easy. But in Vancouver, I almost know no one except Natalie and I need to try really hard to familiarise myself with this place and all these people. This is the only option which I am not confident in. They used a lot of specific terms and speaks so fast. Without spelling them, I cannot remember the words nor knowing what they mean. This is some kind of a communication problem. I think Natalie has experienced this before and I am glad this is the case because she can help me out. I am just not sure if I can do it as good as she can because she is a natural genius in managing relationships but I am not 😵. Another thing about relationship is the dating relationship. I am insecure about my relationship with Natalie because she is so familiar with the things and people in Vancouver when compared to me. And I feel a bit disconnected. I know we are connected in many ways but I am still a bit sad about we having a lot of different experience. I hope we can have more and more common experience together but not sure will that happens. But at this point, I stay very hopeful about our relationship and I know this is the most important thing that I will never want myself to feel regret about. ## Try my best I remember Kristopher once told me I am not trying my best to get along with others when I was in Denmark. I think about this today and I start regretting. I think he was right. The Branners took care of me a lot and I was in my comfort zone. I was not hanging out with people, I was not trying new restaurant, I didn’t have a Denmark phone number, and I didn’t play a lot of activities and create memories with bros in Denmark. And **I don’t want to regret again**. And that’s why I need to try very hard and try my best to along with the people. I know it is not going to be easy because I am not a natural genius like Natalie. But I believe I can do this if I have enough resolution🔥. > I am not a genius in relationship but I am a genius thinker. My strength is that I can transform myself to be the one I want to be. ## Solution To familiarise myself sooner, I need to do something: - don’t understand the places - point them out on google map and memorise the spelling - ask AI about them - be curious - my english is poor, I cannot communicate my thoughts, that’s why I am always listening - practice your english, probably with TV drama. Learn the accent, learn the vibe - don’t have friends here - join a community here - make friends with people in the work place - keep good relationship with people in Hong Kong - create your own community, the **dev around the world** idea - reach out to christian here - listen to christian songs - cannot share my spiritual thoughts - read english bible, listen english bible - share faith to people - cannot remember people names - take photos of different people and record their names in apple photos - make contact for them - have fellowship with them to strengthen memories